Blue Babies Pink
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Blue Babies Pink
(Note: Blue Babies Pink is like an audio book. Start with the Prologue, then Episode 1, Episode 2, etc.)For nearly a decade, Brett Trapp Harman kept a secret journal of thoughts on being gay and Christian, knowing one day he'd shout the story he feared most.On a Wednesday morning in late 2016, he lo...
Neueste Episoden
46 Episoden
Epilogue • My Little Speaking Up
Brett's final thoughts on the journey of Blue Babies Pink...
Episode 44 • Love Storms
NOTE: This is the finale of Blue Babies Pink. If you haven't read the previous 43 episodes, please do that before listening to Episode 44. Also, after...
Episode 43 • Tears on a Boat Dock
"I sprinted down that path, through the trees, all the way out to the boat dock—heaving, shaking, and sobbing as I ran. I felt like I might choke, fig...
Episode 42 • Someone to Run Home To
"I began to think a lot then about the role of a spouse, of a companion. I'd never been in anything close to a meaningful relationship, and I'd slamme...
Episode 41 • Questions for God
"My whole life, I'd been taught that God's design for the world was men and women getting married and making babies. This formed family units which we...
Episode 40 • Brain Blanks
Brett appears on a Christian TV show and disaster strikes...
Episode 39 • Decade-Long Battles
"March 14 was the day I thought God cursed my testicles..."
Episode 38 • Elvis and Larry
"And while death is inevitable, we still have to live. We still have to do our best to use our lives well. This is one of the great paradoxes of life:...
Episode 37 • Growing Old, But Not Quite Growing Up
"Every wedding was a little funeral for me. I held a little sad ceremony in my heart...a ceremony for one..."
Episode 35 • Becoming Minority
"For the first time I began to wonder if this—all of this—was about more than sexuality. I began to wonder that maybe I'd been focused on the wrong th...
Episode 34 • Warm Hands on Cold Shoulders
Thoughts on singleness and paying people to touch you...
Episode 33 • Not Perfect, But Extremely Rare
"When I understood that, I realized most of my stresses in life came from this subterranean sense of self-hate that I carried around with me each day....
Episode 32 • Community
"And I believed that, if God wanted to love me—to hug me—He'd do it through my community. His people would surround me. They'd carry me. They'd love a...
Episode 31 • Adventuring
Brett devises a two-part plan to survive as a gay Christian...
Episode 30 • Who Needs Love?
"And so sometime around 30, I slammed the door. I slammed the door on love..."
Episode 29 • Lifeboats
Brett has the hardest coming out conversation of his life + a lesson on how to respond when your child comes out to you...
Episode 28 • Chocolate Gravy
"Jesus was so kind to me that day. He was so kind to send me a friend like Kelly. He was so kind to prepare that moment and those biscuits and that gr...
Episode 27 • Getting Real in London
Brett travels to Europe with a friend + an unforgettable night in London's oldest pub (NOTE: This episode is highly visual, and audio listeners are hi...
Episode 25 • Finding a New Track
"I would have done anything to just not be alone, to have at least 1% of hope that I wouldn't feel like this forever. And people who have felt hopeles...
Episode 24 • Lonely Practice
Brett practices for a lifetime of loneliness—at an isolated cabin in the mountains and at a football stadium surrounded by 100k people...
Episode 23 • Unlearning How to Throw a Football
"And still other failures feel like brands seared deep into the soft flesh of our souls. After the initial pain, they scab over, then scar over. And l...
Episode 22 • Secret Sadness
"Closets are dark, and when the gay child—or in my case, young professional—decides to stuff his soul in there, it has a warping effect. It forces you...
Episode 21 • An Alien in Nashville
Brett hears a friend say something about gay people he will never forget...
Episode 20 • Work, Work, Work, Work, Work
"Deep inside every workaholic man is a little boy who never felt big enough, strong enough, worthy enough. And that little boy can be very loud. He re...
Episode 19 • Social Media is Born
"A lot of my friends got married in their mid-20s. And I began to notice a trend: When friends would get married, you wouldn't hear from them much any...
Episode 18 • On the Counselor's Couch
"Yet while I was praying against it, I was simultaneously denying that same-sex attraction was a thing in my life. Back then, I denied that same-sex...
Episode 17 • On Choosing to Be Gay
"I think I was like a lot of people in that I WANTED it to be a choice. If gay is a choice, I thought, then it makes the Christian theology of it so m...
Episode 16 • Leaving Home, Coming Out
"But those who have kept pet secrets know they are hard to keep caged. They thrash and bite and wiggle around inside of you. They aren't well behaved,...
Episode 15 • The Art of Distraction
Everyone deals with their pain somehow. Brett discloses his coping mechanism of choice...
Episode 14 • How Did I Become Gay?
"Maybe it was because that cat slept in my bed every night. I mean . . . my brothers aren't gay, and they DEFINITELY DIDN'T have a cat sleeping with t...
Episode 13 • On Broken Machines
"Because of its near universality, heterosexuality is one of the most unifying forces in all of humanity...Imagine missing that one key piece of your...
Episode 12 • Girls Girls Girls
"Boobs have always kinda freaked me out. They're very scary to me, and the thought of touching one is like the thought of touching a wet bag of earthw...
Episode 10 • Get Thee Behind Me Ooltewah
"One of the lesser known burdens of being gay is that you live a lot of your life in your head. At a young age, you start having little conversations...
Episode 9 • Earning my Man Badge
"Part of me wonders if I was running back then, running from the very faint idea that just maybe this badness was inside of me, like a crocodile—waiti...
Episode 8 • Learning About the H-Word
"A few years earlier, in junior high, I first noticed that I looked at the boys more. It was very subtle and innocent. It was like I envied them...I w...
Episode 6 • What Happened on the Carpet
Brett has a bizarre spiritual encounter on the floor of a church in Pensacola, Florida.